As difficult as a divorce can be for you and your spouse, the process can be even more challenging and confusing for your children. While you and your spouse see divorce as a necessary step towards a better, brighter future, your children are very unlikely to see it in the same light. Many children, especially younger ones, might not understand why the divorce is happening, or how it might affect them. In order to protect your children and provide them with the understanding they need, it’s important that you do what you can to help them through the divorce process.
Don’t Keep Your Kids in the Dark
Make sure your children understand what is happening. Depending on their age, you might deliver certain information differently, and you might withhold details from younger children. However, it is important that tell them why things are changing and what they can expect. Children are very perceptive, and even if you think they haven’t noticed you sleeping in separate rooms or haven’t heard any of your arguments, it is very likely they have. Instead of leaving them alone in their confusion, sit down and discuss the situation with them, and allow them to ask questions.
Be Clear About What Your Kids Should Expect
To clear up any confusion or worry, tell your kids what they can expect in the near future. If you or your spouse will be moving out of the house, tell them. Make sure they know what aspects of their life will change and what will stay the same. If you don’t have all the details worked out yet, then tell them what you feel comfortable with and make sure they know that they can come to you with any questions or worries. Usually, sitting down with your children together is the best approach, this way your children know that both parents are available.
Tell Your Children That You Love Them
All too often, children blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. To avoid any misplaced blame or doubts from your children’s minds, make sure they know that both you and your spouse still love them unconditionally. Reiterate that, although the two of you will no longer be together, your children are still the most important things to both of you. In addition to telling them these things, make time with your children. It can be difficult to find a spare moment when you are planning for your divorce and collecting your important documents, but make sure you sort out some much-needed time to remind your children how important they are to you. Have a simple movie night in, make cookies, do a craft, go to the park. Keep it simple and just remember to focus on your kids.
Minimize Potential Conflicts
Whatever your situation, whether you and your spouse still live together with your children or are temporarily working on a shared parenting arrangement, any contact with your spouse can lead to an argument. During a divorce, no matter how far along you are in the process, tensions are likely high and fights can be difficult to avoid. However, it is important that you and your spouse do what you can to avoid unnecessary conflict, especially in front of your children. Make a conscious effort to be civil when your kids are around, and if you must discuss a difficult topic, do so when your children are not around, or maybe keep it contained to emails.
Even when your children aren’t around, it is in your best interest to maintain a civil relationship with your spouse. You will still have to see a decent amount of each other for the rest of your lives, considering your shared children. So, do what you can to keep anger and arguments to a minimum.
If you need help with your divorce case or have questions about child custody or child support, our firm is here to help. Contact Singleton Smith Law Offices, Inc. to discuss your case with our Murrieta family law attorneys.